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| what you see is not always what's really happening. i truly understood it last night.
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its not fair.
not fair that no matter how hard i try, i cant escape from having u on my mind everyday.
about what u're doing. about how you've been. about seeing you.
uber suckage.
not fair >=[
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sooo...i guess i really have reached the 'sick of clubbing' point everyone's been talking about lately...lol
i dont even bother going on the dance floor much anymore.
seeing friends is the one and only purpose im there every week.
i guess its just become a routinely thing. good or bad? dont kno.
but at least i get to see all my dearests at least once a week =]
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| my annual bday post - 2007
so im officially 20.
but yesm u kno many of u will still see me as a kid. im child-LIKE, not childish...okay? rofl
anyhow.
my 3rd year in tee.dot.oh.
and probably the year iv changed most and learnt most.
i finally feel like i have a bunch of friends that are mine, and not just sticking around someone else's friendship group.
i finally feel like i have a place to settle down to, a place of my own. a home, finally.
i finally have people i look forward to seeing after my usual trip back to hong kong.
many things, good and bad, happened this year. and i've been taught a lot through all of this.
thank you for those who've been by my side whenever i needed
thank you for still staying there
no matter how child-LIKE/-ish, if u prefer =.= i am
no matter how many stupid tantrums i throw
no matter how many times u guys have had to comfort me and cheer me up from crying abt stupid shit
no matter how many times i shout at u guys when im drunk
no matter how many times u guys have had to take care of me and carry my drunk ass home
no matter how many times u guys have had to deal with my stupid child-expressions/talks
thank you for teaching me so much.
<3
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||-OCT 13th EDIT-||
thankyou those who came out to dinner last night.
im sorry i semi-ruined it, but i have to admit that i was upset...because many of my dearests are bailing on me for tonight (party @ republik). well. except kev.yu
i know there's still alota ppl going there for my party tonight (because a lot of u have calld me and told me to get my ass there, or else it'll be kicked. =.=)
and thank you for that too
but it just doesnt feel the same without my dearests there.
i have no family here and u guys -are- my family, and thats why it meant so much to me.
but sam's right, at least u guys came last night.
i guess i was just putting too much hope into us all having fun together tonight.
anyhow. yes i kno i throw stupid tantrums and then get over it in 30 mins.
i guess sometimes things just hit me, and throwing stupid tantrums keep me sane. it doesnt make sense, but it works. lol.
but anyhow, i decided to go anyway cause of sam dearest, who i didnt get to see last night, and also for all those others who are showing up for moi.
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||-end note-||
hopefully
i'll learn to throw less stupid tantrums. cause im a mommy now. and
i'll be taking care of that little furball in my lap =]
just a big thank you again for all those who've played a big part in my life the past few months/past year.
u guys have created many great memories for my 19th year
. . .
now get to work, my 20th year has just begannnnnn. >=P
yes i kno u guys love me.
i heart u guys too.
xoxo
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| sooo...sam, if u're reading this i think u prolli got me back on xanga...lol i abandoned it for so long...until u started writing again. and i always read ur stuff. im NOT being a stalker here, i just do read ur stuffff okay? lol
and now i agree, when ur sick of complaining etc etc., writing seems to be a good way out.
cause u dont know if people are reading, and then at least u can pretend that they are...and also lie to urself and say that the person whom u wanna write to will some how read this. ok im getting myself lost. anyway.
gee i sound like such a lesbo.  oh well. thats ok. its sam. i love u sam. we should just move in together and share stuff. ahahha <3
sooo...felt much better after shopping around w/ sam darling today, though i couldnt really spend much for the sake of my dear new puppy. (pleeeeeeeeeease, god, i beg you, let me get a puppy successfully...thats my 20th birthday wish. puh-leeeeze.)
thanksgiving weekend was good too, really got to just chill with friends for a change. i think maybe im getting old. clubbing and getting drunk doesnt seem as appealing as it did 2 months ago.
or maybe its just that my one year of clubbing is up...like how people usually get sick of clubbing after being a clubaholic for the first year. rofl.
anyhow.
so yes, i think ths weekend has been one of the best "clubbing times" in awhile...i really had fun, WITHOUT the influence of alcohol.
went with kev.yu and linda to republik on sat, kev was unusually hyper, and wouldnt stop pulling my panties =.=
thennn...ACTUALLY chilled with dave.in for the first time, learnt the retard wave.
and also met alota other people.
oh and i also found out that gen has a better memory when he's drunk... ^o)
sunday...was waiting for kev.yu at home...and by 1215, i thought i wasnt gonna go, cause basically i was just gonna go so he wont be lonely. but his phone went dead/no reception at that time, so called sam and told her i wasnt gonna go or smth like that.
ended up cabbing there to find sam, who got me in. im glad though, cause i havent partied with her in so long.
i kinda miss that spontaneous clubbing night we had way back in april...when the two of us went partying with the acom crew. that was funnn.
and sooo, my bday is in...well less than 2 days now.
learnt a lot from lots of people this year. u guys will know who u are.
i'll post my annual bday post later.
really excited for a new member in my life, a puppy. hopefully i wont be sucha lonely bunny thereafter, and hopfully i'll get my pup successfully, cause hopefully i havent done enough bad shit to piss god off so that he'll ban me from getting a puppy.
ok fuck i havent slept in so long. scuse my gibberish.
<3
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| i dont kno if you actually read this ever.
and though it was expected that i wouldnt see u on either day of my celebrations, knowing that my event was 'removed' altogether...i dont even kno what to feel.
and i cant even talk to you about it.
and if i dont even deserve the respect of a friend...then...wow. its my best birthday present ever.
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| what i heard just then...it felt so bad.
even though i didnt expect u to be there to celebrate with me...
i thought id at least see ur face..at least one out of the two nights.
but now...
ouch.
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